My heart is tossing and turning inside of me. It rages like the monster of a deadly sea. It calls to the distant haunting of my insecurity, Or what they call a little ‘social anxiety’. A beast that holds me down till I can’t breathe, And leaves me screaming in endless dreams. For monster of … More 1am Anxiety
What if, I am afraid? What if, my fear is in that? My fear, is in the what if? What if? But what if, what followed those two words never happened? What if, it was only the imaginary lifetime I paint? But, not my life. What if, I stopped listening? What if, I knew that … More What if?
So maybe, things will be ok. Maybe I am not sentenced to a drifting life. The heavens are opening up and glorious sunlight washes over me. Perhaps winter really is over. I could live. I can live. Summer has come.
Have I been given a defective mind? Or have I simply not had enough faith? I wait for my mind to fail me. I imagine that it will again. Lord, what plans can you have for a mind like mine? Alright, Lord, I gave you my heart. I gave you all of me. That includes … More This beautiful mind
I hope to never stop being wrecked by God’s great, abundant love. I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God. I sang that without truly realising what it meant. I lived as a slave, but I was free. No longer do I have to weep on the ground begging … More Wrecked, by God’s love
I stand in a vast field of short yellowing grass on a raised pillar of white marble. She is beautiful a voice says. My hearts cracks a little. She is my love. A tear escapes. She is mine. I collapse. Flood waters break open and rush into the field, falling from my eyes. The sky … More she is mine, she is always mine.
I am not longer in the same world I was before. Things are calmer now. I am myself. In a way, this self is more boring. I do not find her as interesting. But, she is not as painful and is easier to live with – so I prefer her. She may not be as … More when I was happy last year
Being sick, as I am right now, always reminds me how special it is to feel great. It makes me long for how good it feels to be fine. I don’t realise how special it is to be alright when I am alright. It’s only when things suck do I truly remember how thankful I … More sick…
I could lie on the ground and weep for eternity, overwhelmed by your love. A love that stretches across time. A love that pierces through suffering. A love that encompasses and embraces. A love that is sweet, gentle, good, great. A love, unconditional. My Abba Father.
I used to explain to people that the amount of things my brain could do and process efficiently was measured by a single plate that I held on my flat, upturned hand. I would explain that before my depression (I didn’t know anxiety was there too), I would have the entire plate to use. … More on a porcelain plate