New & Alive

I stopped posting much on this blog at the beginning of this year. I mostly posted my lamenting of depression and anxiety and who God was to me in it.

Now things are different. What haunted me throughout my teenage years is gone now. There was a tormenting darkness that always followed me. Even when I was ‘okay’, I always felt it. Not any more. My God is alive. I know that it is gone. No more nightmares, excruciating anxiety, dulling depression, panic attacks… Fear, my old torment no longer rules. It was all my Lord. Jesus IS Lord over all.


1st of August | 2017 | 1:00 am
My heart is tossing and turning inside of me.

It rages like the monster of a deadly sea.

It calls to the distant haunting of my insecurity,

Or what they call a little ‘anxiety’.
A beast that holds me down till I can’t breathe,

And leaves me screaming in endless dreams.

For monster of mine, when will you leave?

For this heart belongs to the one true King.
8th of November | 2018 | 10:00 am
And now, it’s different.

No longer can I hear it.

I have come before the King.

They have wared till I could sing.

I finally saw and repented.

My heart and mind are getting better.
The simplicity of Jesus.

The intricacy of Jesus.

The life in Jesus.



One thought on “New & Alive

  1. Hey Ash. Wow thank you lord for this amazing miracle! I don’t stop praying for are in this area but also in the are of how we miss you here in Zambia. I thank the Lord for every blessing and gift you have given us.
    Missing you lots


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