A churning FIRE in my heart

  Anger begins to churn in my stomach and twitch in my eyes. It lines my throat with burning acid and hurls itself up my nasal passages, stabbing my mind. My hands begin to shake and my breath deepens in the hollows of my chest. My heart sinks deeper into doom and my eyes narrow till the air is cut by their gaze. My fingers slowly rake through the air and tempt my wracked senses to relieve them. The fire in my heart burns hotter and hotter. The malevolence in my eyes turns darker and darker. The fuse has burnt, the explosion comes soon.

  I roar and I thrust myself forward, not caring how I land. I fall and my face is contorted in agonised madness. I drag my nails across my face and seethe like a beast. I slam my fists into the ground and into my lifeless chest. I lay angry red marks on my skin like the horrified screams in my head. My hands are pulled back from their destruction and I am passionate with anger. It is broken and frenzied in its voracious quest for blood.

  It seeks out its lonely prey and only finds my body. It has forgotten its perpetrator and only remembers me. My mind is dazed by the stench of its rotting breath. My hair is burnt by the heat of its fiery wrath. My core is shaken in desperate fear at its unrestrained violence. I am at the mercy of a beast. A beast I am too afraid to look in the eye and ask, “From whence did you come?”

  Dear Lord, can you rescue me from such beast? Can you tame its fire in me? Can you dose it with life-giving water and satisfy its allure in my eyes? Please show me where it comes from and how to respond with self-control and forgiveness. Please show me, Lord, why I turn it all on me. Please show me why I want to lash this anger out on myself. For the anger is from hurt, but why do I still hurt? Be my shield and be my guide. Lord, be my fire.


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